Not Playing Around

"For now" incinuates a compromise does it not? Let's be friends. Okay...I like making friends...I have made enough. I want a wife. Although I'm not lying about enjoying the friendship, which is extremely important, she has to know that is not exactly what I am after. I want a lover and a friend. I want somebody to rub my back, and to rub hers too. My time is not wasted on this person, but if I don't keep looking around I will kick myself later. Tara is very nice, so is Renee, so is Justine and so is Jacque. They are all very nice but would they want to know that I was seeing them all at once? I doubt it. That is why I am not doing it yet. When I do decide to move forward I am not telling anyone about it. It's really nobody's business if I'm not boinkin' any of them. Of course once that starts I have to drop the others. I want to find the right one, and while all of them are pretty, smart and sweet I can't keep up with two, three or four (oi) at a time. I can do two, but three starts to get confusing. I want to play around, for the one I am really interested in is not ready or she is only being nice because she is nice. I want more. Why should I be alone on a Friday night? This is the last one. I tried to make her think that I was mean becasue she will not respond to me when her ex is around. So I will just play it cool for another week and see what happens, but I'll be damned if I spend next Friday without a woman. This isn't fair anymore. There's no reason for it. Here we go with the games? No. I'm done playing. It's so very easy to slip away into obscurity, or to actually induce her rejection. I tried to scare her off once and she called me anyway, so there is something inside her that made her want to be with me...even after I made up a big line of bullshit about wanting to date her sister. I reduced my partying to a rare activity so as to attract a good woman and to just feel good about life. Well, if she just wants a friend, that's easy. We don't expect half as much from our friends as we do from our signifigant others. Is she going to come around? How long am I willing to wait? One more week. After that I will just get busy with somebody else. I don't want to lose the friendship, but she isn't expecting me to put my life on hold for something that she is not even close to being sure about. It's a confusing deal, because she knows that I didn't ask her out because I wanted to take on responsibilities. I want a wife..again...I keep saying this...so if she's not it I have to find out fast. I may be missing out on the one who is meant for me if she is not. I do want her, but I don't think she wants me all that much. She has said so, but then it changes...hot, cold...lukewarm...seperation. I don't like this waiting game and perhaps I do not need to even try to be the man for her. Maybe nobody does. But I know what I want, and the clock is ticking. I have little patience for adults. I don't have to deal with any one in particular if I choose not to. I'm going to just tell it like it is...I think she is not all that interested in me, but is very good at making me think I am somebody special to her. Nobody wants to hear this shit so I'm sort of talking to myself. At this point it would be easier just to simply fold my hand and try a new deal. But the easy way is not the best way. I really don't know what to do, but if she was interested she would have called me by now. Why should I pretend anymore? Looks like another fade away...I'm seldom wrong about this.